Quest for God

Introduction

By this stage, some eight years after the beginnings of our little church, our activities were looking too much like those of every other established congregation. Greg and I, the ‘ministers’, were hoping for some extension of ministry, both to keep ourselves ‘alive’ and to ‘wake-up’ the weary congregation.

The Lord led us to buy a caravan and take a word from Him into country churches. The people joyously responded with money and various other evidence of enthusiasm. When the new ‘outreach’ lost its novelty value, the people lapsed back into their spiritual sleep – until the next exciting project woke them up again.

The Lord gave us an opportunity to start a new community in a country centre, in addition to our existing house. Tremendous response! But not to actually live and work there. After that it seemed that the Lord’s patience had ended; and within two years He had closed the whole ministry. And the dream of a Christian Community was over.

5.1

I was now in a strange situation. I had a church full of supporters who had experienced several years of growth, but who now wanted to just settle down and be an ‘ordinary’ church. They did not want to move off and join a different church, and I had no feeling that I should either ask them to go away or just go away myself. So I worked on with them all, while I waited for the Lord to again guide me. And He did.

He told me to buy a caravan so that I could go into the country with Greg, discover something of the state of the little isolated churches out there, and minister as we had opportunity. When we shared these 'instructions' with the rest of our people there was a definite flicker of renewed enthusiasm in them. They praised God that He had led us into a new work; they promised that their financial support would continue and they said it would be good for them to learn to conduct the Sunday worship and the weeknight Bible studies in our absence. Greg and I promised to organise our itineraries so that we would be back sharing with them every three or four weeks, at least in the early stages of this new routine.

A caravan was bought, and the two of us began our strange little wandering ministry. Within the populated southern portion of our state, we had options of several major traffic routes, some of them up to 600 kilometres long. We chose a route, seemingly at random, and drove along it, stopping wherever it seemed good. We systematically 'pew-sat' in Sunday Services and in any available weeknight activities in whatever church we came upon, and we shared in whatever ways we could in each situation. We also sought to have a private talk with each Minister or Priest whom we thus met, for the Lord had given us a special message to share with them.

I had hoped that we might discover the little country churches to be in a better spiritual state than their city counterparts, and that they might therefore still have eyes to see and ears to hear some of the things of God which we could share. But we soon saw that the condition of the church in the country was no different from the condition of the church in the city. We soon had to admit that, in a range of country churches of all denominations, spirituality was a dead, empty ritual, and hypocrisy was as rife as in any of the churches in our cities.

We learned that even as you can visit a city church of a hundred members, and come away without any one greeting you, so you can visit a church of less than a dozen people, and still come away without anyone - even the Minister - speaking to you! We have stood around in one such tiny church, having a cup of tea at the end of the Service, without anyone even saying "hello" to us. We have sat in a small country church where the Bishop was visiting to perform Confirmation rites: after the Service he shook hands with everybody in the pews except us two - we were apparently invisible!

We visited a large thriving church in a major country town; it was celebrating Hospitality Sunday. The whole worship theme was on being hospitable. It seemed that two hundred people were inviting each other home to lunch that day. But here, incredibly, no-one showed hospitality to two genuine visitors! The Minister did shake our hands at the door, and enquired disinterestedly where we were from, then glanced at his watch in mock alarm. "Goodness", he said, "Excuse me, but I must go; I've been invited out to lunch"!

But we also learned that when the Lord wanted us to speak He made it possible - as on the occasion of a mid-week Bible Study, when the Minister was called away on some emergency, leaving Greg and I as the only vocal people in the group, so that we actually led that evening's discussion!

Almost without exception, we found the clergy of every denomination hard to speak to. They were disturbed by our 'mission'; they were defensive; we were two strangers without any 'churchly' credentials, claiming to have a Word from God for them. Sometimes we were only given five minutes, standing at the church door, to say what we had to say; where we gained an appointment time, it was usually stressed that it was with some personal sacrifice that this time was made available to us. In such an atmosphere, God's Word could only be offered in a very direct and unembroidered manner! There was usually no feed-back. We had simply to trust that His spoken Word did in fact, as His written Word says " . . . not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire . . . " (Isa.55.11)

What we had been given to tell the clergy were two stories which hopefully would encourage them to ponder more deeply the present state of the church and their own responsibility as His Ministers in it. The stories are still completely relevant to every minister and priest, and I record them here just as they were given to us to tell.

The First Story

The Reverend John was busy, frantically busy; caught up in one of those emergency situations which reverends get caught up in; and this was Sunday and he had a Service of Worship to lead in less than two hours time. What was to be done? He probably groaned "Lord!” without at all expecting an answer to his problem; but, from somewhere, an answer came. He had a jolly good sermon he'd preached in another place a year or so ago; he had it on tape. He could get his Deacon to lead the hour of worship - give him the Bible readings and hymn numbers; no problem - and in the right time-spot he could play the Sermon Tape! In the event the Deacon did as he was asked and there were no problems! It went like a breeze!

A few weeks later along came another emergency situation. No groaning at all this time! For he knew exactly what he would do - an obliging, reliable Deacon, and a sermon on tape! It was a good set-up; it worked; and more and more the Reverend John felt himself free to cope with these various emergencies. The Service of Worship went along quite happily without him.

Then one Sunday, at the hour of worship, a stranger walked into the church. He was desperately in need of the sort of help that he felt a Reverend could give. And in that 'glory-to-God' building he found a scattering of people drowsily listening to a voice from a box. And no-one there felt that they could do anything for the stranger in their midst!"

(This story could now be up-dated. No longer would the absent Minister necessarily leave a tape-recording of his sermon: now he might use a video. I am reliably informed that the Uniting Church is using video sermons quite frequently in some of its outback churches. But we have actually sat recently in a suburban church where the Minister was absent without any explanation being given, and a tape-recorded sermon was played to a congregation of about fifty people!)

The Second Story

There was a time when ministers and priests knew that their main job was to lead their people in the Way of the Lord, even as, in older times, shepherds led their sheep out daily to pasture. And they knew that if they were to be good shepherds to their flock they must seek God's guidance for their people in an ongoing way, so that their people were pastured on the spiritual food they needed. And so these ministers and priests spent much time alone with the Lord, in prayer, wrestling to really know God's Word for their people week by week: so that, when they stood in their pulpit on a Sunday morning, they spoke a word which they quite confidently knew was the Lord's guiding word for those people at that time. They could say to their people in truth "Thus saith the Lord to us today: this is His guidance - for us, today."

It took time and discipline to thus wait on God. And what God said was not always a comfortable sermon, but was often rather hard words which the people did not want to hear. For example how do you tell your congregation, without offending them, that God was calling them a bunch of "hypocrites" (Matt.23.27), or even worse, a "brood of vipers "(Matt.23.33) - as Jesus called the Scribes and Pharisees, the 'churchmen' of His day? Or who wants to tell his congregation that God would give no further Word to them until they had taken His last message seriously, and acted upon it!

So gradually, over time, priests and ministers began changing the ways they arrived at their Sunday sermons. Instead of the painful, time consuming, prayerful discipline out of which they could declare "This is God's Word for us, here, in our current situation, today", they began to go back through their files and dig out and preach again a really good sermon they had prepared two years ago; or they announced that they would preach a three months teaching series on 'Old Testament Prophets"; or they turned to the church Calender for 'topical' subjects; or they added to their library shelves a series of books offering Sermon Outlines; or they just stayed doggedly with the universally approved Lectionary! Many are the ways of producing a quite satisfactory sermon, entertaining and pleasing enough to the ears of the regular congregation!

But then, suddenly, came a national calamity! And the people of the land began to realise that they again needed God, needed His guidance, and needed His Power. And they flocked into the churches as they had not done in generations. But there was no longer to be found in the land even one minister or priest who knew how to hear God's guiding Word for His people, for this crisis, for this hour!"

(Since I first began sharing this story with the clergy more than twenty years ago, its prophetic depth has become more and more apparent to me. In my ongoing wanderings through the churches, I have yet to meet the clergyman whom I would expect to be able to hear and share God's guiding Word in a time of national crisis.)

5.2

And what of our people in the Ministry whom we had left back home? As promised, we returned regularly to spend time with them, and I hoped to see spiritual growth in them as they took on responsibilities, made decisions and sought the Lord's guidance for their continuing ministry. But no, they were quite content to continue their regular meetings, emptily sharing texts and hymns and Bible readings, supporting us financially, and basking in the 'reflected glory' of our adventures. There was no thought among them that the Lord might have more for them to do if only they asked Him. They were Paul's women, " … always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth," (2 Tim. 3.7) and, except for their regular meeting times, and the days when we returned home, our Community House stood vacant.

By the end of a year, I was feeling that we had accomplished all that the Lord wanted of us in our country travelling. I was beginning to ask "What next Lord?" We had no conviction that we should just go back to our suburban home; we had, somehow, to move on.

In our travelling around we had become more and more aware of the numbers of young adults hitch-hiking, camping, touring around the south-west of our country - the area of tall forests and exotic wild-flowers. We began to wonder about a Community House with camping facilities, somewhere in this area of natural beauty; and we started to look vaguely at Real Estate notice boards. We shared our thoughts with our people back home, and they seemed to leap into enthusiastic life, promising their support; and so we began looking at properties in earnest. We needed a large house, an acreage that could be used as a camp-site, and a place of natural beauty. Also it had to be of a similar monetary value to our suburban Community House, since we would have to sell that to finance this new venture. The Lord told us to not even consider the burden of a Mortgage this time.

We found our new property. And as surely as I had known the Lord's hand on our suburban house-by-the-lake, so now I knew His hand on what would be our new home. It was a four-bedroom house, with a huge living area, situated on a hundred acre hilly, wooded block with a flat semi-cleared area which would easily be adaptable for a camping site. It had plentiful water, with a natural spring. And it was just a mile from a small tourist centre, with a butcher and baker and a general store. All our people travelled down to look at the property, and they all enthusiastically agreed that it was ideal.

We put our suburban house into a Real Estate Agent's hands and very soon we had a buyer for it. And one of our men asked to join us in Community in our new venture. There were signs of life in the people of the Ministry once more.

Then something quite unexpected happened. Just a few days before Settlement, the buyers of our house-by-the-lake asked to be released from the Contract of Sale – they had complex health problems with one of their children. Legally we could have held them to the Contract: as Christians we knew that could not be the answer. Momentarily it seemed that everything was about to fall apart. But the Lord always has His purpose! In the Ministry were three young women, all professional, single, living their separate lives, yet saying that they really wanted to serve the Lord in some deeper way. The Lord now challenged them: would they like to move into our house-by-the-lake, take responsibility for an ongoing ministry there and grow into a strong new Community? "Yes, yes," they responded enthusiastically, as we all recognised the depths of the Lord's intervening love in stopping the sale of our house and giving them this last-minute opportunity. And everyone rallied round and produced the capital for us to go ahead with the purchase of our house-in-the-forest as planned!

The future seemed full of hope again. I settled into the house-in-the-forest with the two young men, and we built a camp kitchen and an ablutions block, barbecues and walk-trails through the bush: we put out brochures in surrounding tourist bureaus, and were soon 'in business', offering people free camping facilities if they were interested in spending the evenings sharing with us in wide-ranging discussions on the Christian way of life.

We established a vegetable garden, started a small orchard, and bought hens and dairy goats for our eggs, milk and cheese needs. The property proved a treasure-trove of wild-flowers, and, in season, we were able to lead people to over sixty varieties of these. In all, it offered a very wonderful way to live.

Meanwhile, up in the house-by-the-lake, the three young women were settling into a new life. They were to assume responsibility for the ongoing group worship, and wait on the Lord for guidance re new out-reach. I was to join them regularly for a few evenings to encourage them and help sort out any problems. Our caravan remained on the forest site, and served for extra accommodation when any of our people visited us.

5.3

Two fledgling Communities! But our euphoric state lasted less than a year! By this time sin had infiltrated both Communities: not what the world calls sin; but the sins of doubt, of self-assertion, of lovelessness; in fact, the sin of not really 'walking by the Spirit", for the fruits of the Spirit are "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Gal. 5.22-23) and these fruits became more and more conspicuously lacking in our members as they strove to survive in community life.

Thomas, who had joined us to live in the house-in-the-forest, returned to the city spiritually floundering. Whilst there he continued to meet with our group-by the-lake, giving us some hope that he would sort himself out and return to us in time. His departure put a burden on Greg and me, for it meant that there was no 'time-off' for either of us as we coped with the daily chores of the land plus our nightly camping visitors. And it meant that often enough one of us was left quite alone to deal with whatever or whoever came our way - which was especially difficult at times when we had emotionally disturbed people drift in, people with problems which took all our prayers and patience and relationship skills to cope with.

Then strong discord erupted in our house-by-the-lake. Our three women were discovering the difference between word and deed, between idealistic talk and actual daily living for the Lord. Though they had each known His intervention at a personal level in their life - in physical healing, in psychological healing, in access to good career jobs, and, of course, in the very way the house had become available to them - yet, in their new life together, they were finding that they could not - would not - really trust God to lead them.

I found myself travelling back and forth, back and forth - leaving Greg alone far too frequently - trying to bring them to a point of living together in some semblance of Christian harmony. But although they could agree on the Christian aims of their community living, and said that they wanted to keep on trying, yet they could not live it, and the atmosphere in the house just got worse and worse, inevitably polluting the very worship that was offered there. Although they regularly declared their love of the Lord, yet that love was not sufficient to overflow into love for each other.

Eventually the Lord was saying to me "Sell the house; disperse them". A buyer appeared very quickly, and the women returned, contentedly enough, to their former independent life-style. Back in the security of their own individual privacy, the women all chose to remain 'faithful' members of the Ministry. But the group now had to meet in private homes, having lost the chapel and other meeting facilities with the sale of the house-by-the-lake. The future did not look promising.

Something of all this ongoing turmoil must have stirred the heart of out second Community man, Thomas, for he asked to come back to us, wanting to try again: but within a few more months he had again left us. So Greg and I were alone once more, with what still seemed a very worth-while job to do, but with no 'helping hands', and no more signs of spiritual growth in the wider group - in fact, it seemed now that, as a group, they had failed every challenge. I had to accept that, though they had enthusiastically stirred themselves at each new venture, in their hearts they just wanted to be regular pew-sitters: they did not want, themselves, to be involved in ministry.

They were all still over-generous in their financial support, but Greg and I slowly reached the point where we questioned whether we should continue to take money from people who had effectively said "No" to God at every challenge to their further growth. By receiving their money we seemed to be allowing them to justify their position, just as in every other church where there are people who feel that their salvation is secure as long as they continue to attend meetings regularly, say "I believe", and produce their 'free-will offerings' for the current mission cause. We explained all this to our people, and said we could take no more money from them unless they could show us some sign of sincerity towards God, some sign of genuine spiritual life.

Such signs appeared spasmodically, giving us a few months of hopefulness from time to time, but always disappeared again at the first signs of 'testing' – 0f God asking something specific of them. They continued to meet for Sunday worship and mid-week Bible study, but, as God said through Isaiah, of the people of Judah, " … this people draw near with their words and honour Me with their lip service, but they remove their hearts from Me, and their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote . . ." (Isa. 29.13)

Eventually we knew we had to quit our house-in-the-forest. The project had become too big for just two people to carry on indefinitely; and our stance of refusing to accept financial support from those who had failed us in the most vital way - in Spirit - also spelled the end of our venture. Although we did have gestures from others who were considering joining us in the work, nothing eventuated; and the Lord did not open to us any alternative source of income. This had begun as a Ministry venture, and if the people of the Ministry were no longer whole-heartedly with us, then the work should not - could not - continue.

The whole project had turned sour in less than four years. We gathered the group together and faced them with the inevitable consequence of their spiritual lethargy. We felt it was right to give them the responsibility of selling the property. We watched in amazement at their response. With the same zeal that they had shown with every new venture they acted with a passion. While we packed up to leave they organised a roster for themselves to clean up the property and to sell the now unwanted household items. We were horrified at their blindness. While our hearts were heavy seeing the end of what we felt had been our life’s work they were joyfully preparing the property for new owners, even to the point of burning the signs that had been erected at the property’s entrance welcoming visitors! Mercifully the property was sold; Greg and I took a well-earned holiday before again asking "What next, Lord?"

5.4

When Greg and I returned from our holiday, the question "What next, Lord?" was compellingly urgent. We had lived in our Community Houses - the house-by-the-lake then the house-in-the-forest - for ten years: now they were no more. Greg had nowhere to go: I had sold my home long since, but still owned a beach shack which I had kept for the use of my daughters. We decided to go there and await further guidance.

Greg pondered whether he should sever his ties with us all, but felt strongly that he should remain with me. I was nearing my sixty-fifth birthday, but had no serious thought of just buying a little house somewhere and enjoying retirement. I felt that we had to just stay put in my beach house until I heard the Lord once more.

As we assessed our situation, I had to struggle with hurt and despair. These people had been in my ministry, in my spiritual care, for over ten years. They had all experienced healings or quite amazing 'helps' in their daily life, and so knew personally God's power and loving intervention. They had all taken their stand against the dead mediocrity of the main-line churches. They had all declared that they wanted to follow, wanted to listen and obey. Yet, over these years they had quietly slumped back into a churchianity which was almost indistinguishable from any other segregated little group we had met in our wanderings. In spite of their repeated strong declarations of faith, they had ultimately been spiritually listless, not doing, and not really being bothered by their not doing.

As for those who had wanted to participate in a community life-style, three times the Lord had given them the opportunity to serve in and through such a community; three times they had said an enthusiastic "Yes, Lord", only to fall back into what was almost a sleep of death. In total three houses had been bought and sold again - and now we had nothing, and nowhere to go! What to do next?

There were still a handful of people who earnestly declared that they wanted the Ministry to continue. They met with us immediately upon our return. They had continued to meet during our absence on 'holiday': they said that they had talked and prayed and faced up to their abysmal behaviour towards the Lord and towards us: they had repented, and now asked our forgiveness and the chance to try again.

A small part of me just wished that they would all disappear out of my life, as so many others had done before them; but they were asking me for another chance - and I felt that I could not coldly say "No". The Lord had given no hint of any different work for me; I could not really argue that I was no longer spiritually responsible for these people: it was not just a matter of how they spent the rest of this life, but, much more deeply, how they would spend eternity. We agreed that we all had to try again.

So we began scanning the Real Estate pages of our newspapers, and asking "Where, Lord?" 'Common sense' had us thinking of a suburban house with a living room big enough to hold meetings in; but the Lord had us open one paper at the country properties - by mistake! - and there was our new project right before our eyes! We were looking at an acreage of farming land with two houses and a good range of out-buildings. The houses were urgently in need of 'tender loving care', as Estate Agents put it, and there was no lake and no forest, but the Lord said, "You can make a living off this property". Thus He was showing us that we could become free from the necessity of accepting 'free-will offerings' to meet our daily needs: if our people continued to walk with us this time, united in Spirit, that would fulfill His Will for us as a group, but, if they failed us yet again, we would have an income from the land.

The sequence of events which followed again revealed the Lord's firm hand on our plannings. We accepted that He would have us back in the country again: we discussed the pros and cons of this property exhaustively with our group: we looked at other comparable country properties: then, as a Ministry, we made an Offer to Buy. The vendors responded with a counter offer - they wanted a higher price.

Greg and I walked, unexpectedly, into a Ministry gathering to share this development - and we saw at once, even before we had spoken a word, the faces of weariness, doubt, despair, on those gathered. "How can we carry them into yet another venture of this sort?” I thought. "A few weeks ago they were all hope and enthusiasm; but in fact, spiritually, they have not really changed at all." So we rejected the vendor's counter-offer, ceased to look at property, and waited again on the Lord.

Six weeks or so later, the Agent for the sale of this property contacted us. The vendors were now prepared to accept a lower price if we were still interested. So we repeated our original offer - but this time in our own names rather than as a Ministry - it now seemed right not to remain unnecessarily bound to our ailing group through the legal complications of a property Title. We still hoped that they would actively join with us, but, if time proved we were no longer bound by the one Spirit, then there would be no worldly, legal ties to continue to hold us together. So, against this very insecure environment, but firmly trusting that God was still guiding, Greg and I bought the property and shifted in. What exactly would the Lord do with us there?

The houses were dilapidated. Bathrooms and kitchens had to be modernised; floor coverings and window treatments renewed, and both buildings completely repainted inside and out. There were rats and mice to be exterminated and gardens to be re-established. It was hard work. Our people continued to meet in their homes, and at first drove quite frequently to help us - it was less than a two hour drive, which made it an easy week-end break - and we furnished the second house with this thought for its casual use as a short-term place of retreat.

But we could see that the enthusiasm with which we had all begun our previous projects was really missing from them. They came to us when they felt inclined; and helped in ways that they felt like helping, so that the message became more and more clear that we could not really rely upon these people for anything any more. They could not be depended upon.

However, the Lord had said "You can make a living from this property". So Greg and I continued on. The restoration of the houses was completed; a vegetable garden was established; and once again we bought milking goats and hens. And as we worked we could see that we could support a small group of people if we could develop the right intensive enterprise; so that, even with just four of us, for example, two at a time could be free to travel and minister as the Lord led, while two stayed to look after the farm. It was possible - but would it come to pass? Greg decided that our 'living' should come from a piggery. So fences were erected, sties were built, water was harnessed, and our first breeding pigs were ordered.

Then the Lord moved once more! This is how it happened. We saw in a newspaper an unusual "For Sale" advertisement. An old wooden church was to be demolished, and the pieces would be labelled for reassembly: it was in good condition and suitable, the advertisement said, to be transported and re-erected at a new location. The Lord had me draw this advertisement to the attention of our people, and ask them whether they would be interested in building a church on our property.

They responded with alacrity. Within twenty-four hours they had organised themselves to meet with the vendor and inspect the building. Within a couple more days they had it all planned in detail how they could handle the whole project. I was just dazed. Did we really need this church building?

Then the Lord spoke again. "This is a parable", He said. "My church is not a building, but a body of people. Will you build My church on this land that I have led you to?" As the messenger of the Lord's wisdom I was in a state of relieved astonishment! To those who received the words, it was like being caught up in a sudden storm; they were dumbfounded! They had been awakened out of their lethargy with the project of building a wooden house for the Lord; and now their very lives were on the line again!

The next few weeks were reminiscent of Jesus' story of the man who was inviting guests to a big dinner party. Of those invited He says, " . . . all alike began to make excuses. The first one said to Him 'I have bought a piece of land and I need to go out and look at it; please consider me excused': and another said 'I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out; please consider me excused': and another one said 'I have married a wife and for this reason I cannot come'". (Luke 14.16-20) All very reasonable excuses, but the Master was not pleased with them! Just so, most of our people had excellent reasons for not being able to be part of a church on our property, at least in the foreseeable future. Sadly, they were not even prepared to ask the Lord exactly what He had in mind for them each to do. They just withdrew themselves again.

Two - both of whom had been involved in our previous attempts at living as Community - did in fact join us for a while after this last challenge; but, just as in our previous ventures, they found that living daily for the Lord meant more 'exposure' of their life than they really wanted, and so once again they just drifted back to the city.

But for Greg and I, this time was different; we could be self-supporting; we had a piggery! We called the group together, told them once again that we could not continue to receive their money when their heart was not in the work that the Lord wanted us to do; told them again that there was nothing more we could teach them about being a Christian; and, finally, we told them that there seemed no point in them continuing to think of me as their 'minister', or for me to think of them as my 'pastoral charge'. Unless there was some movement of the Lord through them within the next few months, we must consider the Ministry as totally dead.

They listened tearfully, and went away 'beating their breasts': but they soon got once more immersed in their various worldly pursuits, and within three more months I knew the Lord's words for certain - the Ministry was ended!